Here comes a long overdue reflectionwith a much needed promise.
The world has a funny way of unfolding
and that's as much as I want to say because there is something else I
want to talk about today; the vital importance of looking
forward.
As anyone could probably tell you, I
have a tendency to dwell in the past. I find sad amusement in
looking at the things I have an haven't done and some satisfaction in comparing who I
was to who I am today (Sometimes I imagine different versions of myself meeting but it makes me extremely uncomfortable so I try not to do that).
I mean, I'm certainly far from the girl
who started the 365-day photo project (4 years ago, now) and made
smiley faces with brackets (ex. :]). But I'm still nothing like the one who ended it, on the eve of my junior year of high-school and
constantly made elaborate allusions to life being like a book.
Like
everyone else, I guess I'm some weird amalgamation of who I was and I have
to be okay with that because another few months from now I'll probably be someone else.
But no matter where I am, I feel paralyzing instability when I can't perceive myself moving forward. And these bouts of instability leave me feeling trapped, lost, and endlessly introspective (which seems to be the only time I blog) however for the first time in a little over four years (holy hell)
I am going to do something about it.
I'm making a decision. I'm diving
behind the lens and promising myself another year long project of
dedication and progression because creating is my passion and
photography is my medium.
I'm starting a 52 week photo project to
focus on quality and consistency.
My goal is to move away from self
portraiture and throw my self at creating art with more tangible substance and much less “well, it looks pretty” because I've made
peace with myself but not yet with my art.
I'm doing this because I need to see my
own improvement and I am going to do everything I can to ensure that
every photo will be an improvement on the last and an
improvement on everything I
have done. For once, I don't want every photo to
be a part of a greater whole, I want every capture to be able to
stand on it's own.
Maybe it's ridiculous to think that
every week will live up to this expectation, but nothing says that I
can't try.
(on another note: if you catch me not trying please yell or throw something at me because I am publishing this post for a reason.)
