Lessons in Reflections

On Flickr

Apparently I never uploaded these anywhere which is actually beyond me because I like this so I'm officially uncomfortable and forever wondering where everything went so wrong.

A Note

So, it's been awhile. I guess I wish I knew what to say but it's not easy to catch my thoughts anymore. College has everything turning so quickly but not in the way that it feels like it's slipping from my hands and out of control, more like at a constant speed; fast enough to feel progression but slow enough to enjoy the world that sliding by.

I wish I had more to say than “It's been fun” or “Loving it” but those two, quick phrases seem to summarize everything (though, I'd throw in a few select Tweets and maybe some facebook pictures) but there's something missing. I didn't think that anything was wrong; there was too much going right. But, recently, I finished a rough draft of my first novel—something I'd been trying to accomplish for a great many years now—but when I did it, I felt a little sigh of relief but after that...nothing. Something was most definitely missing. At first, I thought that it might be faith, but a week told me that I was far more comfortable with my faith now than I've ever been in my life. And another week had me wondering if I'd made the right decision, however it took less then a day to throw out that theory.

Then, probably as predicted, I looked back at some old photos and realized that I was missing art. Writing is art, but it's colorless—it's static. Words don't come to life until they've been twisted and bent; photos come to life with a different kind of effort. They come to life after a deep breath and a furrowed brow, they come to life after staring at the same tree for an hour, they come to life in the biting winds of winter and edge of a storm, they come to life through vulnerability and pain. Photography is the immediate release that writing struggles to be.

On a whim, I renewed my account on Flickr. I don't know what that means. I've given up on crossing fingers, but I have a little faith.

I've been struggling lately with things that I thought had passed and my mind isn't half as strong as it ought to be; I can feel it decaying as ideas fade without a second glance. So, I'm reverting again, falling back on the same risk of pressing the shutter. I don't always trust it, but I have no reason not to try because I need something to hold me up again.

As a side note, no matter how I fall—I'll never be anything but thankful.

There isn't Much Gratification in Being a Writer

There isn't much gratification in being a writer. It's mostly hell, intermixed with a few good ideas, well phrased thoughts, and a desperate desire to create color from what is black and white. It's a futile craft that requires patience and self-discipline though it maintains no good explanation as to why anyone would ever invest their time so uselessly.

But somewhere, there is some reason to the madness. 

There isn't much, honest, gratification in being a writer, but there is some. And I never thought I would achieve it.

I never thought that I would ever reach this kind of end; this place right here. 

Finished; something to show for my hard work, long nights, and over active imagination. This, what I've written, is more than just a story or a project; it's who I am--It's four or five years culmination all moving and progressing towards one next.

This is the end of the beginning now and something I never thought I'd make it to. It's surreal, it's unimaginable, but it's here; it's progress. I don't know what to say or even how to use words to quite describe what it feels like but it's been so long, and so many times I've imagined what it might feel like. I never imagined, though, that I'd be sitting alone in my freshman dorm room with Happiness by the Fray in the background but, I suppose, I wouldn't have it any other way.

This is happiness; this small moment of indiscernible euphoria and the overwhelming sense of hope. This is what being a writer is about. It's about these moments, not the attention or the accomplishment but those personal steps it took to get there. 

The Somewhere Queen

These are honestly some of the most telling self-portraits I've taken for two reasons: 1.) they've been taken at the top of the hill that overlooks the plains and forest that I claim as my own 2.) that crown is made out of Queen Anne's Lace and that is my favorite wildflower.

Freedom Nails

Sorry, I had to. 

Anyway, it's about 100 degrees here and I need to change because swimsuits are far more comfortable.

This weeks nails are, obviously, inspired by the Fourth and my lame attempt at patriotism! There really isn't much to say, I started with red tips and a blue tip on my index finger. Then I added  random designs with a tooth-pick. For the designs, I  just played around with different things to see how many different ways I could make fireworks (two nails turned more floral but it's alright; they're still patriotic). Then I finished the designs by dabbing glitter here and there with the point of a toothpick before adding topcoat.

Happy fourth of July!

Shades of Jade

I did these for my High-School graduation and I want to say that these are easy, but that's only if you have 3-4 hours of spare time and the patience to do so (My recommendation; pick out a new TV Show to watch--I recommend Grimm or Once Upon a Time). 

So, to begin, pick out 3-4 colors you'd like to use (I chose to stick with greens). Then, (after a base-coat, of course) start by laying down your first layer of tape in the shape of a triangle on the tip of your nail.

Tips:

One nail at a time. 

Tape, paint, then peel off the tape immediately. 

The longer you let it sit the more likely it is to mess up and peel off what you painted on.

After you finish the first layer, and after it's dry (this is important because the polish will come off with the tape if it's not dry enough), you can start the next layer the same way you did the first:

One at a time--tape, paint, peel.

Once you do the first round of triangles it's pretty easy to get a system down for the other three or four layers you have to do (I did mention patience, right?).

And, if you're going to do exactly what I did, you'll go through, about, sixty pieces of tape.

Colors:

Jade is the new Black - OPI

Here Today ... Aragon Tomorrow - OPI

Wild Thing - Pure Ice

Cafe Au Lait - Sally Hansen

(Cafe Au Lait is a nude color polish

that I chose to use since my natural

 nails get discolored)

Watercolor Nails

This is literally the easiest nail I've ever done; all it takes is a handful of colors and a lot of patience.

To start, I put down two coats of my base color (Lilac) : I recommend using a light color first because it's a good indicator of when you're down to the final layer as well as it's better for richer colors. After that patience comes in because once the base is dry enough to touch, you can add the next layer. Then wait again until that layer is also dry enough to touch (I waited about a half hour between layers, I wouldn't recommend less) and continue to add layers and dry until you're satisfied (mine are the result of 6 or seven different layers).

 Finally, when the last layer has basically dried to touch, grab a q-tip and douse it in remover (really, you want it basically dripping) and rub it gently over the nail. You'll be able to see the different layers coming through and as you get the hang of it you'll be able to try different designs by rubbing harder in different places.

Finish off with a top coat and enjoy!

Colors:

Lacey Lilac - Sally Hansen

Jade is the new Black - OPI

Secret Potion - Anise

Sunshine - Avon

Big Spender - Essie

Glitz 'n Go - Anise

(I recommend using at least one shimmer

for more depth)

May Flowers

My current nails! And also, I think, the easiest and nicest look I've done so far.

            All it takes is three colors, a toothpick, and some dotting. I started, first, by painting my nails the red, then I did sporadic blue dots (spaced pretty far from each other), and finally I did the lime dots around the blue ones. Simple. I also want to recommend the Revlon top coats because it's been a few days and they still haven't chipped despite me almost trying (because I have another idea but it's not fair to take it off before it chips)--it also dries fast for anyone worried about that. 

Colors:

Red - Essie : Geranium

(Only complaint is that Geranium doesn't cover exceptionally. Three coats and I could still see my nails underneath).

Green - Pure Ice : Wild Thing

Blue - Anise : Secret Potion

Top Coat- Revlon : Shiny Top Coat

Dots in Degrees

From a while ago; done with a toothpick and minimal patience.

Colors:

Lacey Lilac - Sally Hansen

Jade is the new Black - OPI

Not Anymore What it Used to be.

It was a strange day to take pictures. Clouds were rolling in and out, the wind was howling, and it was unseasonably warm. As weird as the weather was, it meant for time away. There's been so much going on in my life as of late, so many confusing things between the stress of college, prom, and the last quarter of senior year. To summarize; it's like everything decided to just occur all at once just because it can.

So I made a promise to myself that I would go out today. 

And I'm glad I did because I needed that time.

I didn't get anything I was in love with today (I didn't expect to) it was purely just to get away for a while. So I started editing for fun (as I always do) and here are some of the results from my little experiments in color.

The same photo two years ago :