Motivation

At some point, motivation has to come from somewhere beyond the self.

This is the conclusion I have finally come to. And since I've returned to school for my second semester, I've rediscovered what it means to be motived and I'm getting back to where I used to be and I'm slowly regaining my confidence behind the camera.

The story behind this particular group of photos began last semester when I elected to take pictures for my school's, annual magazine. Over break I was assigned the stories I'd be covering and once I came back, I dove into creating the photographs (On another note I just found out that they want to use it as the covershot!).

With the directing assistance of my friend and floormate, Viri, we made a plan and did everything we could to execute it even thought it meant missing a class and using up a couple of hours that probably could have been devoted to homework. But it's okay because it was totally worth it.

The themes I was given were "Silent Film" and "Hollywood Glam" so I tried the best as I could to meld the two together and I really could not have done it without my willing subjects, Jeff and Alexis (but especially Alexis since she went out both days, in the freezing cold, in a dress and heels. You were pretty too, Jeff).

But, more than anything, it was exhilarating to be behind the camera again and empowering photographing friends on an empty, brick paved street, in the middle of the city on a Saturday morning (Probably, also, one of my new favorite locations). The only feeling, so far, that could really compete with the thrill of pulling off such an enormous idea, was that of a scrabble victory.

So enjoy the photos here and be sure to check the other's on Flickr and Facebook.

Self Reflection

Some days I feel like my life is headed nowhere, like I'm just running the same dull circle trying to find meaning where none is left to be found. But on other days I can see it, I can see the meaning in my life and the purpose I want it to have. We all want to be someone, we want people to smile when they see us and call out our name before we're even there. We want to be included and invited, wanted and remembered and all in our own special ways for our own individual accomplishments because we're alive and we shouldn't be subject to mediocrity for that very reason.

We're all called, in someway, to contribute to the land and leave our mark upon the world in whatever small way we can. And today I realized that we shouldn't have to settle or compromise our dreams for comfort because with every opportunity we let go of, we lose a piece of ourselves. It's dreams and ambition that separate the discern the individual from a majority.

For the last two months I've been miserable. I've been unsure of everything, my dreams of publishing seemed completely impossible and well-beyond my reach with every passing second of reasarch. Everyday was a struggle that left me confused and disheartened because I knew what I loved, I knew what I needed, and I knew what I wanted to get out of my life; I wanted to share my stories and help others do the same because words are vital.

And up until this morning it felt like a dream among dreams; completely and utterly irrational. But it's days like these, surrounded by support I'd never imagined, that lead me to believe the old adage that says, “there's a reason for everything,” and everyday is a reminder that I'm one step closer to reaching my purpose.

Have a self portrait that I took in my dorm room for a last minute English project and an edit I did for the hell of it!