Belief

I believe that in order to hold relationships with others we, first, must recognize the relationship we have with ourself because if you can't love who you are how will anyone else ever be able to.

It's been so long since my last post and I don't know what to say because so much has changed within myself. I see many things clearer and by the day I've become happier with who I am and comfortable in myself and I think that means a lot.

I say this as encouragement. Almost a week ago today I did something I've been wanting to do for a very long time but didn't have the courage for; I cut my hair. For some it's life-changing, for others, it's nothing, and for me it's just something that means something else. The last time I had short-hair was freshman year of high-school which I fondly refer to as the year from hell for many reasons. And it was the year from hell that pushed me into doing my 365 which, consequently, changed me in ways that I still thank god for even four and five years later.

I grew my hair out because I liked the way it looked in self-portraits and I continued to grow it out for the very same reason. It wasn't until recently that I realized it might be the last thing holding me back from being who I wanted to be because it was the only thing, in four years, I refused to drastically change. But since the end of my project, I was constantly at ends with the camera, I wanted to separate myself from the very thing that made me who I am.

In cutting off, nearly nine-inches of hair, I've felt belonging again and in the strangest way.want to be behind the camera, and I feel inspired. And now I can move forward unhindered.

Not to say that something as superficial as cutting my hair has been more meaningful in my life than a year at college (it hasn't at all) but it is much easier to find the words to describe a smaller act that happened in a few hours rather than a massive change that came through the course of one, unforgettable year.

Well, that was personal but it is my blog after all.

Moving to photography and the summer, it's been a lot of chasing after inspiration, trapping it, and beating the crap out of it until I create something worth sharing; but I've realized you can't always wait for inspiration to come.

But with days left before I return to school for whatever my sophomore year is going to bring, I've been hit by a wall of motivation and opportunity. I've done intense photoshoots at my house, using six models at once (which was interesting to say the least). Photos from that shoot didn't turn out exactly as I expected because of the uncooperative and unpredictable weather but the beautiful thing about art is that there's always room to try again.

I've also convinced my friend, Angela, to go on a photo adventure with me through the Bull Valley area of Mchenry County and Woodstock which entailed standing in the middle of the street, getting a little bit lost, maybe breaking the law, as well as an awkward encounter with an old house and some discomfort and confusion for anyone who drove past and happened to see Angela jumping around in a hoop skirt holding onto a starry night umbrella. Oh well, it totally worked.