Notes on a Return

I did say that I was actively going to try not to take self-portraits throughout this project. However, this week I think circumstances allow.

This weekend I came home to Illinois for the first time since the summer because my family is moving across the country to Arizona. The house is for sale and this is very likely the last time I'll be here as "home" because soon it will just be the "hometown" I visit when I can, not because it's a holiday.

For anyone who knows me, I identify pretty strongly with my woods. And it's September which means the leaves are changing, the goldenrod is blooming, and the mornings kick off with solid fog so it's basically my idea heaven.

I'll have new photos coming up later tonight and I'll be sharing some tips and stories for shooting outside, I just wanted to make a little PSA until that happens hold this space for a reflection that won't detract from my tips.

Woodland selfie from 3 years ago.

Week 2

Week number two and Fall has arrived in Iowa. It seems irrelevant because my photos ended up inside again but every window in the apartment was open and I'm burning a blackberry candle while editing so it feels like it. The leaves have only just started to change, so expect some outdoor work this coming week and a little nostalgia set to old OneRepublic songs.

Today I'll be talking about the rule of thirds and why it's not really a rule but first I want to talk about the inspiration for today's photo. On occasion things trend among photographers on Flickr from tin foil crowns, portraits during golden hour, and balloons. It doesn't happen all the time or very often but for the last month the use of black paint seen some sort of popularity. It's been used by Rob Woodcox, David Uzochukwu, and Rachel Baran (Seriously, check them out).

I don't always jump on with trends but this one seemed like fun and a good place to sort of jump off from with a little extra direction because now there are three shots I can't take. I'll think about them, of course, but, using my good friend Rachel, I'm gonna put my own spin on it.

We used more string lights, my great grandmother's curtains, some string, and some black tempura paint ($5 at Micheal's; $2.50 with a coupon—Pro-tip: Micheal's will always have a coupon) and this is what the set looked like (and I still haven't pulled those curtains down).

So, what is the rule of thirds? This: Divide your image into a 3x3 grid. The four intersecting points are points of interest and often where they eye goes first. Essentially what it means is don't place your subject in the very center because the most interesting shots usually have more to offer than centered ones.

My own attempt at an example:

This is the original shot (edited though) and the subject is lined up in the very center of the frame

This is that same shot, cropped to fulfill the rule of thirds in an effort to be more interesting.

A trick I've picked up: Center your shot then bump it to the left or right (with a little bit of consideration of course) but that's an easy habit to pick up and it will improve your photography.

Furthermore, go ahead and break that rule. Break it today or tomorrow or a year from now. If you're aware that you're consciously breaking then you've already considered the composition of your shot and with that intention, by some definition, you're a photographer.

And feel free to ask me anything:

allison@trebacz.com

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Week 1

Self portraiture allows for the photographer to begin to understand the lighting, their equipment, and themselves away from the eyes of others. This makes it the perfect place to begin, in a space that allows for risks and mistakes.

It's a medium where popular photographers like Brooke Shaden, Joel Robison, and Lauren Withrow, first, made their names and discovered their passion. The beautiful thing is that it's possible for you to make that leap if you're willing to try.

The best way to begin is with a camera, an empty room, and lights that work.

Set your camera on something sturdy. Point it somewhere in the room that you think could be mildly interesting and set your ten second timer. If you don't have enough light, add some more. Go down to the basement and drag some Christmas lights out of storage.

Run back and forth as many times as you like. Play around with your settings, move things in and out of the frame, change up the focus. You cannot make a mistake when you're only shooting yourself for yourself.

For this first week I kept it simple. I used the light in my living room, dragged over a kitchen chair (which doubled as a good trick to focus my camera without me in the frame) and draped a green sheet around the set that I eventually ended up wearing.

This is where I started with my camera. It also moved to the doorway, the kitchen, the floor, and six inches from the ceiling. I tried probably ten different things and I'm still not sure what worked best.

If you're not happy with your photography, especially in the beginning, don't get discouraged. Try something else. Close the blinds, move the lights, put on a crazy outfit, take pictures of your dog and come back later. Beginning isn't about creating something that transcends time, it's about the journey. Trust me, you'll find your own voice along the way.

Note: These have been lightly edited (I just adjusted the contrast and made the green more prominent).  

And photography isn't entirely about the camera but I do shoot with a DSLR but there isn't any rule that says you can't get similar results with an iPhone.

I also tripped over this sheet and almost sprained my ankle but that's just a part of the process. 

This project will not be entirely self-portraiture (in fact my goal is to move beyond it) but I love starting projects with selfs because it makes them personal and serves as a good marker of growth from year to year and week to week (even day to day if you're crazy).

And feel free to ask me anything:

allison@trebacz.com

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The Value of Art (A Personal Reflection)

And some photos because I don't like blocks of text either.

also, like, there's some more on Facebook.

I don't know where to start. It's been so long so since I've tried to post anything and it's taken me hours to compose this. I'm not going to tell the winding and harrowing story of the past year of my life (it's not actually. I mean I'm still pretty self aware that I'm white female in America going to college so it really can't be that revelatory.). But I will say I've learned a lot about myself and more about others this past year and those lessons and memories won't leave me anytime soon which is for the better.

But this blog is basically my art journals so, most importantly, it's been five years since I first started my 365 at 15 years old, and I'm still awed, at 20, by the power of photography in my life. Living day to day life provides substance but art and creating enriches the experience. At least that's how I see it.

Moving on, I didn't realize how wrapped up I became in my own life until I took a step back and looked at exactly how little content I produced in this last year and a half. I've been distracted, I've been distant, and I've been trying to get by with what comes naturally which is so wrong. I've let myself get too caught up in real life.

My second attempt at photography over the summer. Click through to see the piece I put on Flickr.

I thought I was fine, I thought I was “doing me” until I logged back onto Flickr for the first time in few months and saw that so many, from my favorite online community, were living through their work and not missing a beat of life. It wasn't until I started watching what they produced, reading the stories, and the reflections on their real adventures, that I started thinking. I started thinking about what's been missing for so long and I've reflected on it before but this time was different. I was jolted and I knew that I had to make a change and a thousand things in my life right now are pointing to that notion.

Presently, photography feels like a memory when it should be more familiar to me than anything. I know that I need to get back and start living, again, through my photos because I'm missing so many things.

So, today, I [gently]threw my equipment in my car, drove to the nearest park I could think of, and took the most mediocre self-portraits I've taken since 2010 but I'm okay with it because it's a start and it feels liberating.

And as for that 52 weeks I was convinced I could start last year--I was kind of just an idiot. Like, I definitely still am and I definitely think I can do it this year but that's because now I'm an idiot with a car and a roommate who'd take up the challenge with me which would be ideal. Idiotic, of course, but in the most ideal of ways.

About Me

and a new mission

In August of 2009, inspired by a community that would eventually become an old friend, I set out on a project that would completely change how I perceived the world. I took one self-portrait for everyday of that year with only one goal: to end somewhere farther from where I started. Long story short, persistence/insanity paid off and I got more out of that project than I could ever put words to and my casual interest in photography turned into full-blown passion that I still carry with me today.

Both photos were taken in the same place: my bedroom with the blinds pulled and any light I could throw together. Also taken with the same equipment, down to the 10-second timer, because going full-circle is fun.

Anyway,

I'm here to share that passion with you as I embark on another project. I'll be taking photos once a week for a year and my goal this time is to rediscover my voice. I'll start and end this project in front of the lens, but I'm hoping to spend the rest of the time behind it.

There is a unique accessibility to photography if you open your mind a little wider and this blog is my invitation to you. I'll be posting how-to's, amateur tips and tricks, behind the scenes, and probably enough anecdotes of doing strange things in public to keep you entertained for at least an hour and hopefully inspired for two.




With sincerity,
Allison Trebacz

New Promises and Past Reflections

 Here comes a long overdue reflectionwith a much needed promise.

The world has a funny way of unfolding and that's as much as I want to say because there is something else I want to talk about today; the vital importance of looking forward.

As anyone could probably tell you, I have a tendency to dwell in the past. I find sad amusement in looking at the things I have an haven't done and some satisfaction in comparing who I was to who I am today (Sometimes I imagine different versions of myself meeting but it makes me extremely uncomfortable so I try not to do that).

I mean, I'm certainly far from the girl who started the 365-day photo project (4 years ago, now) and made smiley faces with brackets (ex. :]). But I'm still nothing like the one who ended it, on the eve of my junior year of high-school and constantly made elaborate allusions to life being like a book. 

Like everyone else, I guess I'm some weird amalgamation of who I was and I have to be okay with that because another few months from now I'll probably be someone else.

But no matter where I am, I feel paralyzing instability when I can't perceive myself moving forward. And these bouts of instability leave me feeling trapped, lost, and endlessly introspective (which seems to be the only time I blog) however for the first time in a little over four years (holy hell) I am going to do something about it.

I'm making a decision. I'm diving behind the lens and promising myself another year long project of dedication and progression because creating is my passion and photography is my medium.

I'm starting a 52 week photo project to focus on quality and consistency.

My goal is to move away from self portraiture and throw my self at creating art with more tangible substance and much less “well, it looks pretty” because I've made peace with myself but not yet with my art.

I'm doing this because I need to see my own improvement and I am going to do everything I can to ensure that every photo will be an improvement on the last and an improvement on everything I have done. For once, I don't want every photo to be a part of a greater whole, I want every capture to be able to stand on it's own.

Maybe it's ridiculous to think that every week will live up to this expectation, but nothing says that I can't try.

(on another note: if you catch me not trying please yell or throw something at me because I am publishing this post for a reason.)

Lessons in Individuality

It's strange to think that every individual sees the world in their own way that's different than any of the 6 billion that inhabit the Earth.  Our individuality is incredible when you think that a thousand people can look at the very same park and think very different things from one viewer to the next. Our colors may vary, our perception is unique to us, and our reactions can never be exactly what another's is. This is interesting because we'll never be able to experience what someone else has, yet, somehow, we will try and relate because we are destined to a social life of learning and inference.

But this thought should enlightening rather than distressing because the world is exactly what you make of it. No one's hands but your own control your destiny so make of it what will and don't let anyone else tell you how to choose because they'll never be able to see and understand the world as you do.

The more I've thought about my relationship with art, the more present this thought has been in my mind so I'm sharing it along with some selfs I took over the summer that I've been waiting to post.

Belief

I believe that in order to hold relationships with others we, first, must recognize the relationship we have with ourself because if you can't love who you are how will anyone else ever be able to.

It's been so long since my last post and I don't know what to say because so much has changed within myself. I see many things clearer and by the day I've become happier with who I am and comfortable in myself and I think that means a lot.

I say this as encouragement. Almost a week ago today I did something I've been wanting to do for a very long time but didn't have the courage for; I cut my hair. For some it's life-changing, for others, it's nothing, and for me it's just something that means something else. The last time I had short-hair was freshman year of high-school which I fondly refer to as the year from hell for many reasons. And it was the year from hell that pushed me into doing my 365 which, consequently, changed me in ways that I still thank god for even four and five years later.

I grew my hair out because I liked the way it looked in self-portraits and I continued to grow it out for the very same reason. It wasn't until recently that I realized it might be the last thing holding me back from being who I wanted to be because it was the only thing, in four years, I refused to drastically change. But since the end of my project, I was constantly at ends with the camera, I wanted to separate myself from the very thing that made me who I am.

In cutting off, nearly nine-inches of hair, I've felt belonging again and in the strangest way.want to be behind the camera, and I feel inspired. And now I can move forward unhindered.

Not to say that something as superficial as cutting my hair has been more meaningful in my life than a year at college (it hasn't at all) but it is much easier to find the words to describe a smaller act that happened in a few hours rather than a massive change that came through the course of one, unforgettable year.

Well, that was personal but it is my blog after all.

Moving to photography and the summer, it's been a lot of chasing after inspiration, trapping it, and beating the crap out of it until I create something worth sharing; but I've realized you can't always wait for inspiration to come.

But with days left before I return to school for whatever my sophomore year is going to bring, I've been hit by a wall of motivation and opportunity. I've done intense photoshoots at my house, using six models at once (which was interesting to say the least). Photos from that shoot didn't turn out exactly as I expected because of the uncooperative and unpredictable weather but the beautiful thing about art is that there's always room to try again.

I've also convinced my friend, Angela, to go on a photo adventure with me through the Bull Valley area of Mchenry County and Woodstock which entailed standing in the middle of the street, getting a little bit lost, maybe breaking the law, as well as an awkward encounter with an old house and some discomfort and confusion for anyone who drove past and happened to see Angela jumping around in a hoop skirt holding onto a starry night umbrella. Oh well, it totally worked.

Motivation

At some point, motivation has to come from somewhere beyond the self.

This is the conclusion I have finally come to. And since I've returned to school for my second semester, I've rediscovered what it means to be motived and I'm getting back to where I used to be and I'm slowly regaining my confidence behind the camera.

The story behind this particular group of photos began last semester when I elected to take pictures for my school's, annual magazine. Over break I was assigned the stories I'd be covering and once I came back, I dove into creating the photographs (On another note I just found out that they want to use it as the covershot!).

With the directing assistance of my friend and floormate, Viri, we made a plan and did everything we could to execute it even thought it meant missing a class and using up a couple of hours that probably could have been devoted to homework. But it's okay because it was totally worth it.

The themes I was given were "Silent Film" and "Hollywood Glam" so I tried the best as I could to meld the two together and I really could not have done it without my willing subjects, Jeff and Alexis (but especially Alexis since she went out both days, in the freezing cold, in a dress and heels. You were pretty too, Jeff).

But, more than anything, it was exhilarating to be behind the camera again and empowering photographing friends on an empty, brick paved street, in the middle of the city on a Saturday morning (Probably, also, one of my new favorite locations). The only feeling, so far, that could really compete with the thrill of pulling off such an enormous idea, was that of a scrabble victory.

So enjoy the photos here and be sure to check the other's on Flickr and Facebook.

Self Reflection

Some days I feel like my life is headed nowhere, like I'm just running the same dull circle trying to find meaning where none is left to be found. But on other days I can see it, I can see the meaning in my life and the purpose I want it to have. We all want to be someone, we want people to smile when they see us and call out our name before we're even there. We want to be included and invited, wanted and remembered and all in our own special ways for our own individual accomplishments because we're alive and we shouldn't be subject to mediocrity for that very reason.

We're all called, in someway, to contribute to the land and leave our mark upon the world in whatever small way we can. And today I realized that we shouldn't have to settle or compromise our dreams for comfort because with every opportunity we let go of, we lose a piece of ourselves. It's dreams and ambition that separate the discern the individual from a majority.

For the last two months I've been miserable. I've been unsure of everything, my dreams of publishing seemed completely impossible and well-beyond my reach with every passing second of reasarch. Everyday was a struggle that left me confused and disheartened because I knew what I loved, I knew what I needed, and I knew what I wanted to get out of my life; I wanted to share my stories and help others do the same because words are vital.

And up until this morning it felt like a dream among dreams; completely and utterly irrational. But it's days like these, surrounded by support I'd never imagined, that lead me to believe the old adage that says, “there's a reason for everything,” and everyday is a reminder that I'm one step closer to reaching my purpose.

Have a self portrait that I took in my dorm room for a last minute English project and an edit I did for the hell of it!